The Wise Hat: Random Uses For Animal Crackers

English: Stauffer's Animals Crackers

1. Throw them at people you like
2. Throw them at people you don’t like
3. See how many you can fit in your bra
4. Have a parade
5. Put them in soup and sing about it
6. Name them
7. Make them mate and imitate the noises
8. Pretend they’re your friends because you’re a loser who plays with animal crackers all day so you have none
9. Break off their heads and exchange them with others
10. See if they can float and for how long
11. Leave a trail of them behind you so you don’t get lost
12. Shove them up your nose
13. Eat them with various condiments
14. See how many you can fit into a balloon
15. Make them act out Dancing with the Stars
16. Throw them into the toilet to help teach your son how to aim
17. Use them as bait to catch a dragon
18. Use them as treats to train your dragon
19. Write a comic strip about them
20. Crush them and smoke them
21. Direct a safari show
22. Take pictures of them in random places
23. Make frames out of them for said pictures
24. Paint the donkeys blue
25. Paint the elephants red then step on them
26. Cook them
27. Reward your husband with them when he takes out the trash
28. Reward your dog with them when he doesn’t pee on the kids
29. Tape them to your neighbor’s front door
30. Mail them to random people from the phonebook


The Wise Hat: Cinematic Romance vs. Reality

Several people have asked me why my save-the-dates haven’t been sent out yet. Part of the reason is simply because I’m a very good procrastinator with a dash of forgetfulness. Another part is that I can’t make up my mind which ones I want. The last part… well the last part is maybe a case of cold feet. Truthfully, our relationship has been on the rocks since the Boss was born. We’ve had up times and down times and right now is a down time. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder if it’s all in my head.

As women, we have been trained by hollywood on what a relationship is supposed to look like. I’m grown enough to understand that that’s not what real life is like and relationships aren’t perfect. But don’t you think that maybe a shred of it might be true? I would like to know what happy couples look like. Real life happy couples. How much do they kiss? How much do they smile? How many times a week do they have sex?

In the Sex and the City movie when they are sitting around together talking about the state of Samantha’s relationship…

Samantha Jones: Relationships aren’t just about being happy. I mean, how often are you happy in your relationship?
Charlotte York: Every day.
Samantha Jones: Every day?
Charlotte York: Well, not all day every day but yes, every day.

How true is this? Because of this is 100% true I might be in trouble.

What about you committed folk: Are you happy every day?